How to Recognize a Narcissist (and Not Be Their Biggest Fan)

Some people, when you step into their orbit, make it feel like everything is designed to revolve around them. They’re like planets demanding to be the center of your solar system. But don’t be fooled: they’re not looking for love; they’re looking for admiration. If you feel like a trapped satellite, you might be dealing with a narcissist.

Picture this: you have an amazing night with this person—one of those nights that leaves you smiling from ear to ear. The next morning, you tell them, full of joy, «Last night was incredible.» And they respond with a cold, «Last night? I don’t remember.» Right there, something inside you wavers. When you press them further, they simply shrug: «If you say so…» See where this is heading? They plant seeds of doubt until you no longer know if you’re coming or going.

It’s like being in a play where the lights change intensity, but when you point it out, they insist the lights have always been the same. That’s manipulation, plain and simple. And let me tell you, it’s no coincidence; it’s a well-executed plan.

Narcissists are masters of three things:

• Selfishness: Everything is about them. Your needs and desires? Mere shadows in their grand performance.
• Egocentrism: They don’t just think they’re the center of the universe—they’re convinced of it.
• Egotism: They adore themselves so much there’s no room for anyone else.

And you? You’re just there to clap. But it’s never enough, because they’ll always want more.

What Do They Want?

Control, plain and simple. If they can make you doubt yourself, they’ve already won. While you’re busy trying to figure out what’s going on, they’re pulling the strings behind the scenes.

But it’s not always obvious. They won’t necessarily say, “I’m special.” Sometimes they’ll charm you, make you feel unique. But over time, you realize you’re constantly trying to meet a standard they’ve set.

For example, they might ask you to wear that dress or that shirt because “you look amazing.” But when you get to that important event, you’re suddenly the worst-dressed person in the room. If you bring it up the next day, guess what? It’s your fault: “I was just trying to help, but you should really have better judgment about these things.” And so, the blame is always yours—never theirs.

What Should You Do?

First, recognize the pattern. If every argument ends with you apologizing for something you didn’t do, if you feel like your achievements are never enough, or if you’re doubting your own memories, it’s time to question that relationship.

Second, don’t become their fan. That’s what they’re really after: applause, unconditional admiration, and someone to put them on a pedestal.

And third, if you feel trapped, remember—you don’t have to stay. Pack up your emotions, gather your dignity, and find a way out.

Because at the end of the day, love shouldn’t be a game of lights and shadows that always makes you feel out of place. You deserve a relationship where both partners are stars, shining together—not just a spotlight illuminating someone else.

Don’t be a narcissist’s audience. Applaud yourself and move on.